Introduction

Before we blow our tops in one of many anti-establishment valentines day rants to manifest in the blogosphere this year, it should be noted that Fadsmashers doesn't critique the practice of doing good things for others, or love in general. In spite of this behaviors apparent lesser role in human evolution, goodwill has stood the test of time, and as such is not necessarily a fashion or a fad, but arguably a natural biological necessity. What the Greeks referred to as Agape love, or an 'unconditional appreciation of everything, is something that can only be smashed by itself. Think about that. Or dont. I likely dont really give a shit... but the point is as much as we try to relate valentines day to these more enlightened types of love the more this mindfk holiday is revealed for what it really is: A gimmick that exploits what matters most to 99.9% of people, that unexplainable euphoric sex crazed uber state of affairs surrounding the act of procreating termed... romantic love. Just keep worrying about petty relationships issues and catering to your own base level human needs you bitch slaves you (a sinister voice uttered to the avail of no one), we will take care of everything else!!!

Remember: make erotic detached love and not war: Except of course in the following geographical regions: Africa, Asia, Eastern Europe, South America and last but not least the middle east.

Before we begin this Valentines day rant, a quick word from Fox news: Those termed 'celebrities' (or those to be celebrated because they act out unachievable idealistic scenarios that drive our insatiable lusts for cool shit) have disclosed some petty details of their lives set to be modeled by millions of unemployed people who are completely uninterested in organizing and challenging the clear as day highway robbery that ensures their enslavement and processing through the capitalist machine at the mere expense of the suffering of billions of their fellow hominid members... Happy Valentines day!

And who really gives a fuck!

All you need is love: and useless shit from corporate slave states that has no functional value whatsoever

No more then 2 months since the last gasping plea to save unaccountable bankster corps that sought to bleed us dry had passed, has yet another monetary obligation forced the fiat from our receding bank accounts. Of all the corporate holidays that play off of our collective inadequacies in order to hoist the fake economy, none could be more deceptive and counterproductive to what it intends then one ‘Valentines day’. As if it weren’t bad enough that North Americans allotted one day out of the year to spend 20 billion on corporate product based loving, it is more perplexing that it is sandwiched between 364 days of oppression, war, rabid consumerism, and stimulation by way of contrived political and entertainment scandals that the brain dead degenerate western TV addicts require to vicariously live real lives through. The day is incomplete without redistributing billions into the hands of multinationals to win the affection of people they are in legal contract with!

For a limited time only, you too can work towards a relationship that is as likely to suceed as it is to end in a divorce, by ensuring that the only bond you have to your insignificant other is that which can be calculated quantitatively in the frivolous accumulation of mass produced sentimentalities reaped from the not so developing world. Show them how unique YOUR love is by buying them mass produced shit! But before the easily corrupted gold diggers take you for all your worth, try to prolong the romantic aspect of the delusion by bestowing upon them an array of useless shit extracted from countries far away such as overpriced genetically modified (bee-free!) floral arrangements, perhaps blood diamonds from the African Congo, or a trip to one of the many British colonial vacation spots, or maybe just a box of chocolates with cocoa picked by the lowly African slaves (who don’t need food much less love) to prove to the one who will (as statistics show) likely leave your ass for someone better, that you are an incompetent tool that tryed to buy their affection!

Soon to be single, dime a dozen morons who try to buy their way into the hearts and underpants of their girlfriends will be happy to know that there are no limitations on the spraying of pesticides in the floriculture of Africa, Brazil, India and similar countries that ship these -will help my sorry ass get laid- flowers to the western world, allowing for increased production ensuring the contamination and desertification of arable land in order to bring you shit that is still overpriced in the end anyway thanks to the prices they decided to fucking jack up 3 weeks ago!!! YIPPIE!!!!!!!!!!!!

In addition, precious water supplies and wildlife that sustained the ancient civilizations of the 3rd world will be adversely impacted by the wasteful practices entailed in consumers yet again... trying to feel good about themselves... but what what the fuck else is new!!! No matter where emotion bubbles up we will be sure to cap that shit, and pump the profits into our government backed bank accounts! Thankfully, local impoverished communities have now grown dependent on these self-destructive industries run by foreign companies, and are thus expected to defend the ecological malpractice to the death of themselves.

Only 100$ for this overpriced completley unnaturally natural looking flower in a vase that is going to fucking die in 2 weeks like the person who made it anyway. If this colossal waste of time, energy and resources doesn’t say I love you, then I hope this piece of paper marked prenuptial agreement does!!! Fadsmashers correspondent Nathan Human made it out to the mall (city) to see what some consumers (slaves who are fast approaching being obsolete in every respect asides from emitting carbon) are saying:

“O wow, it was all worth it to reinforce her delusion that she is the only one I think about.”

“There’s no better way to show someone you love them then by partaking in mindless cultural fads, although I sometimes feel that in buying my girlfriend token novelties made in china I am being a little too original though”

“I would really like my boyfriend to spend more quality time with me, but I also want diamonds, flowers and other useless shit too”

“It doesn’t matter what he gets me for Valentines Day, it’s the thought of someday buying me something expensive that counts”

“It makes me feel very special to get the same kind of mass produced shit as every other girl I know, it really makes me feel appreciated you know what I mean?”

“Hopefully I don’t have to send myself flowers to feel as valuable as the other catty bitches who fill subservient roles in the office I work at, like last year”

Show her that you are a worthy mark by spending what little money the government will leave you this year to tweak the delusion that you were ‘meant to be together’, or that “you are the only one for them” and are not but one of many suitable mates they likely would have bumped into at some point down the road. When in doubt of the authenticity of your intense infatuation, label what you share to be a ‘kindred’ relationship, that wasn’t something you simply conceded your American dream for… Desperate housewives is coming to a TV set near you to remind you that you deserve better too!

If you are someone who is not in ‘possession’ of one of these insignificant others and are considering rolling solo this year, we would encourage you to ruminate on your loner ass until the point of what we will call ‘clinical depression’ and visit our affiliates in big pharma for side effecting solutions.

Don’t worry, the 24 hr hallmark holiday will be followed by the usual 364 days of destruction and chaos you now require to weather your isolated existence devoid of the vital challenges that helped your predecessors evolve.

Happy culture of procreation day everyone!!!