Anonymous

Battered by wave after wave of negative publicity , and now a broken marriage , public relations firms and consultants are working 24/7 to devise a method by which Tiger can emerge with some damage control , without losing his fortune and his future product endorsement deals.

Michael Bloomberg has been in touch with the Tiger camp , to suggest that Tiger appear on the Oprah Winfrey Show to announce that he will convert to Judaism , to be a devout and observant Jew.

It is thought that , in this way , the full force of Jewish protective umbrella will be extended to Tiger, since criticism of him would, henceforth, be considered anti-semitic. Tiger's circumcision and BarMitzvah would be arranged as a near circus event , with Michael Bloombetg, Joseph Lieberman , Rham Emanuel and
Barney Frank appearing jointly with Tiger to extend a welcome into the Jewish faith , and to absorb Tiger as part of the powerful Jewish lobby in America.
Tiger would henceforth play golf tournaments wearing a yarmulke , with the white strings of a prayer shawl hanging out of his shirt .

Tiger would also sport a new name " Tiger Woodstein"