Lindsay Lohan, in all her suburban splendor decided to throw a temper tantrum on an airplane because a passenger mix up forced her to sit with the other proletariat slaves in economy class. Unlike the average American citizen or any brown person who expresses dissatisfaction on an airplane she was not stormtrooped, held without probable cause and deprived of her rights indefinitely. When asked about the traumatic experience of being thrown in with the uncouth frequent flyer mile collecting dogs, Lindsay claimed

“I thought I was going to die” (*I could not make this up...).

Unfortunately she lived... and the actress, whose fame is a product of the reduced standards for entertainment of her fanbase was given a 1st class seat like a good little spoiled brat before the flight commenced. You are in our hearts and prayers Lindsay, with strength and perseverance we know you are capable of putting this experience of being treated normally behind you!

Faux News continues its unbiased reporting of things that are significant in the grand scheme of things, in between catering to the propaganda needs of the bottom feeding inbred portion of the American population, in its mediation of the controversy over whether or not Paris Hilton lips were injected with Botox. Paris Hilton vehemently denies the utterly insignificant claim. In addition to advertising for Botox©, and fulfilling its role in the mass media movement that seeks to influence every dimension of the shallow lives of the population, Fox news concludes that Paris may not have had a Botox injection but implies that she would look better with one... Meanwhile,  America  leaves no stoned unturned as they celebrate having both the highest number of Obese and eating disordered people in the world! Paris is expected to continue being a living example of how someone can become popular simply because their parents are rich, while setting unachievable standards for beauty for her fanbase of suburban badgirl cliches! Yet another triumph of the nepotistic social immobility of a western democracy that is about as easy to screw as Paris Hilton herself!!!

Will we ever know the real truth about Paris Hilton's lips? Unfortunately only time will tell... until then attention to ramped global injustice will have to be diverted in other ways, like the completely irrelevant inauguration of the black person paid to placate liberal criticism whilst covertly ushering in the inescapably oppressive one world government! phase of evolution... YIPPIE!!!

The Actress was privileged enough to grace this weeks edition of Faux news "Pop Tarts" spiel. NOTE! Tart is a slang term for prostitute... something the fake news agency is apparently quite comfortable with, kind of like how they are with lying through their teeth about everything in order to tell their wifebeating cerebral cortex deprived, christianofascist audience exactely what they want to hear, while providing a contrast that makes the other bullshit news agencies look all the more valid!

In the midst of the contrived global financial crisis and US sponsored Israeli terrorist escapades, the soon to be actress turned porn star insists that after being naked on the set of a few scenes for her show 'The Office', she has taken a real interest in being ogled with lustful attention to the shell that conceals her more significant bioplasmic-astral mass. She is quoted saying such profoundly meaningless things such as

"They can light your cellulite so you see it or don't see it; it's the most amazing thing. They can put makeup on your legs, you try on hundreds of outfits until you find the one that looks the most perfect on you,"

Jenna's cosmetically overhauled, deeply waxed, camera tricked mundane half, is expected to be cumming to a prime time TV diversion near you more frequently, in light of her new found desire to be something that she isn't, which is sure to further stimulate that desire in the unenlightened mass of gullible cro-magnon retards between being lied to by Faux news and commercials. 

Arnold Schwarzenegger (the son of a Nazi officer, current governor of California, and Hummer spokesperson) claims that he wants to be president, although he currently cannot as he wasn’t born an American citizen. He is hoping that some loophole or amendment to the constitution will at some point allow him to run. If he was able to run he is likely to win, as millions of Americans are quite content with an actor running their country! Quite appropriately, he is one who played the role of a cyborg killing machine whose mission was to destroy the human race… As if the idea that ARNOLD SWARTZENEGGER IS A FUCKING GOVERNER wasn't eerie enough, this was all foreshadowed in a mid 90's Zollywood film called "Demolition Man". Based in the year 2032, there is one scene in which the protagonist (who has awoken from a 40 year cryo-sleep) is being taken on a tour of the... 'Arnold Schwarzenegger' presidential library... hmmm... So if you think the last 8 years was an inconceivable squandering of our potential! You aint seen nothing yet!

Britney Spears is ho ho whoring her way into her second mid life identity crisis (27) declaring that she intends to get a breast reduction next year… this is to counteract the breast enlargement she had as a teenager, as the realities of breast cancer hang over the stuperstars hollow head. But no… her reasons are more practical.

The singer claims that she wants to be able to fit into the outfits she wore in the “oops I did it again” video. She will accomplish this by taking diarrhea inducing diet pills, so she can feel as young as she is mentally... Critics agree that these regressive goals are highly appropriate to her state of mind, and that of her aging North American fan base. Her fans can now anticipate a life of secretarial, clerical, and sub-managerial occupations between the futile pursuit in trying to win acceptance for their physical appearance, all thanks to the patriarch facilitated, Britney Spearheaded women’s deliberation movement.

Kim Kardashian makes faux news headlies insisting that her days of stripping and getting banged incessantly for dollars are now over, but mentioned that she isn’t going to do anything extreme or outside the parameters of what is expected for today’s Britney spearheaded female sex, such as thinking critically about the world that exists outside their own egos (Alike the sports obsessed braindead oppositte sex who uhhh like to work on cars and stuffs)! Faux news reports that last year the star was able to add “playboy centerfold” to here “resume” as she had the honor of gracing the sticky pages of the Annual Celebrity issue… Kim is donating her old clothes to a charity called the “Dream Foundation” which intends to sell the cloths to fetish driven, pot smoking, cyber junkies to flaunt to their perverted brethren. The funds earned will go to terminally-ill adults, who it is presumed all ready know her quite well! YouTube is set to ban what it calls “suggestive videos” while Faux Christian news is permitted to continue with the “pop-tarts” section of its news spiel.

Kanye West’s latest aesthetically devoid, no talent single entitled “heartbreak” was permitted by corporate music moguls to debut at number one, as it met the criteria of being within the receding comprehension span of a materialistic self-indulging mass of braindead idiots. It is expected to be non-thought provoking enough to sustain the listeners focus on their own ego. This will ensure that mainstream music won’t compromise global hegemony by triggering people to have what are called ‘thoughts’. Numerous fans across NA are expected to rouse around the hip hop wannabee clone, simply because they have been told it’s a number one hit, and have been forced to listen to it on the radio until they have no choice but to like it!

Americans, in the thick of a downward spiraling fake economic disaster, did not stop for opportunities to be told how to live their lives, as movie theatres see a jump in ticket sales in the 4th quarter of the US fiscal year. A Reuter’s article appropriately termed “Recession hit Americans flocking to movies” hits the nail on the head in its illustration of this sheepish behavior!

Reuters and numerous other news agencies protect their shareholders interests by further promoting the patronage to these propaganda laden movies through news based advertising (above), so Follywood cokeheads can continue to brainwash and distract the populous with American hero narratives, and rent 35,000 dollar a night suites in Dubai hotels which were built by indentured servants!

The prospering American education system and intelligent use of media is evidenced in the nomination of Self McFarlane as the smartest person on TV. He is the author of the sporadically unrealistic, non-sensible, covertly racist, and self-deprecating American cartoon comedy called the Family Guy.