Needless to say, FadSmashers is quite festive and in full promotion of “buy people shit they don’t need so they can feel appreciated day” that is so steeped in mass cultural delusion it’s actually worth celebrating criticizing it. Here is some the things you need to go and buy… immediately.

a) Macbook air- This status affirming bourgeois piece of shit will be at the disposal of users who desire to be on the cutting edge of being taken in by the industrialists ploy of planned obsolescence.

Its expected to sell for 1500$ to up and coming storm trooper lieutenants from ivy league schools with good university parking spots. If one is so inclined, which one most certainly will be, they can buy the Macbook envelope, to look like an even more pretentious nunce whilst awing hungry onlookers at how thin this soon to be obsolete overpriced piece of shit actually is, and how good they too are capable of being.

b) Segway cyborg wannabees shuttle by people in wheelchairs who (if they could) would get out of their seats and break the Segborgs legs for squandering their bipedal capabilities to carry their soon to be fat asses from their fuck you pedestrian SUV’s to the office across the street and sit in a desk all day.

c) Yes we can opener… can open a variety of products which don’t look as good inside the can as they do on the label!

d) Hillaryous ball breaker is coming to a foreign set of nuts near you!

e) Oral sex head lights allow you to look like a complete incompetent moron to your insignificant other, who is also so ashamed of themselves that they would prefer it in the dark. Hint: Turn on the fucking lights!

f) Fox news conservative T-Shirts, continue to fulfill their role in the Hegelian dialectic as a focal point of discontent to legitimate Keith Doberman and friends at MSNBC.

Every year kids are nearly scared to death by escape convicts/ former AA members who play the role of the corporate whore Satan, I mean Santa claws. The children score another point for the ‘I see dead people crowd’… The self-deprecating unpaid Coca Cola representatives take a break from rehab once a year in order to get one of the remaining degrading jobs available which ironically will work to perpetuate their own abandoned children’s enslavement.

A new book called “Scared of Santa” documents the traumatic experiences of children who in their infinite wisdom try to give their parents (who chuckle at how cute this display of rejection of corporate whoredom is) a hint, but forcefully the parents press on!